Cafe Leone

A skill I have mastered over a few years of erratic blogging is to write about not writing. Whenever, I feel like I should be writing my “book” or feel guilty that I am abandoning BoMR (Both of My Readers), I simply start a post about not writing. Then go into painful details about how am really good at thinking about writing, preparing to write, buy really cool writing-related toys, sitting down and not writing.

This post is no different. It is a post about not writing.

I have put down my book recently (did you notice “T”, that I didn’t put quotes around that word this time?). I feel justified in doing so. With all the various stresses in my life and the fact that my dad is a very sick man, I felt that I could not commit myself to write a novel about a man who loses his father. It was simply too painful for me to deal with.

The book hits too close to home.

Over the last few months, I have been doing a lot of procrastinating, more like avoiding my blog and my book. I have poked around and wasted a ton of time on Plurk (that won’t stop!) and found the act of writing greater than 140 characters to be simply more than I can handle at this time in my life.

But, recent events, have made me revisit my book and the story I am hoping to convey. I hope to go into those reasons as soon as I can wrap my head around them.

In the meantime, just know that I will try to update more often and hopefully regain some of my readership that have since jumped ship due to utter boredom.

My words may range from the utter mundane (my kid picked his nose type stuff) to painfully maudlin to sincere expression of the anguish I have been feeling recently.

Whatever the case, look for more of me on your blogs and I hope you will find mine again.

Thank you!

blogging, writing | 2 Comments »

20 Ways To Tell If Blogging Is Taking Over Your Life

20.    You proudly post about which demented, pornological, scatological and downright frightening terms people used last month to arrive at your site.
19.    Every few weeks, you have at least one post about why you haven’t posted in the last few weeks….and feel genuine remorse that perhaps you let your readers down.
18.    You blog about blogging
17.    Your meme collection outnumber your everyday posts
16.    You have no one left to tag that hasn’t already been tagged a thousand times before but you tag them anyway.
15.    You do the “Drive-By Hi” on cre8buzz.
14.    Blogging comments begin to replace emails as a way to communicate with anyone that really matters.
13.    You accept “Be my friend” invites on BlogCatalog from people in countries that don’t exist in the CIA Wold Factbook
12.    When you write a post, a particularly good one, you immediately work your way through your blogroll “pinging” all your friends with mediocre comments like “Great Post” or “Nice Blog!” or “Funny!”
11.    You strategically let the good posts linger for a few days, as well as push the mediocre ones “below the fold.”
10.    No one in your 3D world even knows what a blog is, let alone know that you have one.
9.      You don’t buy into it, and even feel a little cheated, when someone comments with “Great Post!” or “Nice Blog! or “Funny!”
8.      You secretly wish that your kids will fall down, throw up, say something stupid, or otherwise do something crazy, just so you can blog about it.
7.      You read blogs in order to get your daily news and you watch the news in order to blog about it.
6.      You know the difference between CSS and RSS.
5.      You purge comment spam faster than you weed your garden.
4.      You hit “Refresh” on your emails within 5 minutes of posting, “just in case.”
3.      You take advantage of your midnight pee break to see if you received any comments because you know your European counterparts are already awake.
2.       You struggle with the camera timer so you can photograph yourself in an insightful, but oh so candid,  pose in order to create THE BEST AVATAR EVER…all 100X100 pixels of it.

…and the number 1 way to tell that blogging has become a huge part of your life…..

1.        You write a “You know you are a blogaholic when…” post.

blogging, funny | 20 Comments »

Over the last month, and on a couple of other occasions over the last year and a half, I have been struggling with an extremely painful condition, called pyoderma gangrenosum. As I have already said previously, DO NOT look this up without being forewarned that images are quite graphic (actually there is a picture of me in Google Images also..and that is of my face and that is the most hideous of all!).

During this time, I was essentially immobilized. Confined to bed, where pain was constant, not touched by Ibuprofen, Oxycodone, Percocets or Vicodin. The pain in my leg ranged from local wound pain, to general malaise to outright VIOLENT spasms where my entire leg felt as if it was set aflame. I had to sleep on my back, with my leg practically in a vertical position. This would help a little, except at some point, I needed to put my leg below my heart and the searing pain would begin again as any sign of healing was quickly negated by the curse of gravity.

I could handle the pain, somewhat, but managing the wound itself was an endlessly nasty endeavor that required a TON of dressings that need to be painfully changed a few times per day. Each dressing change lasting more than 20 minutes. On more than one occasion, my doctor wanted to admit me because the problem was only getting worse.

The other problem is having to subject my family to all this. The Baby Goats have seen me at my worst. I know that has caused a lot of stress for them and I have missed out on some big events over the last month.

In case you are missing it, I am using the past tense in my words above. I am on some insane drugs that are essentially trying to reboot my immune system and the wound is virtually healed. I AM OFFICIALLY FEELING MUCH BETTER! Who knows, I am even considering going for a (quick) jog tomorrow morning.

I am writing this post, not to make you sick to your stomach. I do that with my other posts.

During this extremely difficult time, the one constant ray of sunshine that beamed into my days and nights was your well wishes. On more than one occasion, I would receive a perfectly timed comment or email asking if I was OK. I simply want you all to know that those comments and check-ins meant the world to me. I wasn’t dying from this horrible condition, but I certainly wished for it and your words helped me more than you will ever know.

This condition is subsiding now. My leg has yet another scar on it that looks like I sat on a scalding hot radiator. I am being treated rather vigorously with heavy meds but this damned condition can flare up at any point again, in weeks, months or years. But as I sit here, reflecting on the last month, I quite simply need to thank all of you for your kind words and friendship. I am forever stunned at the relationships that can develop while blogging.

I admit to being very selfish. The posts I write are nothing more than a ploy; a ploy to get you to come back.  I write in order to be with you and I write in order to read your words.

Thank you, my friends.

blogging, health, uncategorized | 9 Comments »

If you are not making use of Google Alerts, then you are guaranteed to be missing something. Google Alerts is a great way of  getting email alerts of relevant news, blog links and other interesting results based on your search criteria.

For example, I have an alert set up for various news items I am interested in, such as atheism, politics, Getting Things Done, etc. I set the options to email me those daily.

But more interestingly, I have Alerts set up for my blog.  By typing in this: link:http://www.cafeleone.net/ and link:http://cafeleone.net/, I can see who links to me as soon as they do. I set it to email me as soon as it happens. This is an excellent way to see who is talking about me and I believe it works faster and more accurately than Wordpress or Technorati or whatever other method you use. I can see instantly when someone throws a meme my way but hasn’t alerted me to it yet or when someone adds me to their blogroll…still waiting on that one.

As a safety precaution, I have an alert set up for my kids, my social security number and even my street address. It is not because I am paranoid. It is simply because I am curious. I did get an alert about a site that had my street address. It turns out it was my street address in a completely different state, but that was interesting nonetheless.

Click on the link above and start getting your Google Alerts.

blogging | 8 Comments »

For both of you that were worried, I am alive. Just lost my network at home last week and trying to pick up the pieces with minimal F-bombs (I am up to 25 F-Bombs in the course of three days!). Still working on it, but I won’t be done this weekend. It won’t be done because apparently I have these three baby goats that I am supposed to toss a bone to once in a while. This weekend is one of those “once in a whiles.” Curses! Doesn’t the Mistress Goatkeeper understand that I DON’T HAVE THE INTERNET!? Of course she doesn’t. She would rather we dust the effing lightbulbs or pay bills or feed the kids or look the kids in the eyes when they speak to us or…choke….gasp…..PLAY WITH THEM! JEEZ! No internet! You might as well rip out my liver with a rusty putty knife!

Temper tantrum - I can take that off my todo list.

Stay tuned for my latest and greatest post: My 5th grader is not smarter than a 5th grader.

In the meantime, look over to the right and click on anyone else in my blogroll. These people are more eloquent, funnier, entertaining, smarter and more huggable than I will ever be. They all cast giant shadows and all I can do is bask in their coolness.

By the way, this is gross, but I just noticed that my hands still smell like the Nuclear Meltdown Buffalo Wings I ate last night during the Pats game; despite having washed my hands 8 billion times. So much for being a vegan! But if God really wanted us to be vegetarian, he wouldn’t have put wings on those poor buffaloes!  ->Even if you are not laughing at that, I am! Sometimes I surprise myself.

blogging | 15 Comments »

As I have written about so many times in the past, I have very few rituals in my life.  I envy people that wake up at the same time, or eat the same breakfasts (breakfastses?) , or drive the same route to work. I am especially envious when these people have positive rituals, such as exercising etc.

There are a couple of small rituals that I have managed to include in my life over the past few years. One of them, as you know is that NYT Crossword Puzzle. I typically wake up before the rest of the Leone clan does. I will  crank out today’s puzzle plus one archived puzzle. This keeps my brain flexible and keeps me humble because I almost never get through Thursday’s puzzle without help from my little friend, Google.

The other ritual is that I use Google Reader to read a list of what I categorize as “My Daily Reads.” I have approximately 30 blogs that I can’t live without (don’t worry, I count both of you as among my most important). These blogs range in scope from the light-hearted, to Mommy and Daddy blogs, to Pinko-Commie Left Wing Propaganda, to some work relevant blogs, to harcore scientific, skepticism and atheist blogs). These blogs, your blogs, are as important to me as the books on my shelves. Everyday I laugh, I think, I learn and sometimes I bleed tears. What I especially love is that most of you don’t make a dime from your efforts. You have no stake in this other than a sincere desire to share yourselves with tens, hundreds or possibly even thousands of readers that share your corner of the internet. I love that! I sometimes feel like I write just to be included in your worlds.

As you can see, I am really good at making a short story, long. As all I wanted to say here was that I just checked this morning and noticed that in “My Daily Reads” I have 116 unread posts! I feel like I am missing something in life if I even go one day without reading your words and now I have 116 posts I have to catch up on.

Doesn’t it suck when life gets in the way of living?

There is so much happening in all our worlds and my world is no exception. I try to deal with the day-to-day stuff to the best of my ability but I still need to RSVP to a Boston College alumni dinner invitation, make copies of my son’s progress report, write a letter to his teacher, deal with my dad’s terminal illness as he slips further away from us every day, get estimates on cutting down a tree that is dangerously close to my neighbor’s bedroom window, console my mom as she becomes a patient herself, research health insurance options for my mom as she decides to leave her job, fight a traffic ticket, fix my son’s laptop, make my home network a little more robust, fix the bathroom faucet that has now dripped to a continuous stream, work on not over-reacting when the Baby Goats are busy being Baby Goats, hang photos that are still un-hung after 6 years, find a lawyer and an accountant to look over my parent’s finances, cancel my barber’s appt for Thursday because I am volunteering at a PBS telethon, call my doctor for some blood test results I had drawn two weeks ago, determine a Christmas budget and SHOP for a holiday I have NO belief in! Phew!

As bloggers, there are at least a few different “responsibilities” we have taken on. We need to:

1. Come up with relevant content for our own blog
2. Design our blog and maintain it
3. Join and actively participate in various communities of bloggers
4. Read other’s blogs for our own pleasure as well as to get ideas for our own blogs
5. Grace other’s blogs with a thoughtful comment

I am a stuck at Step 1. Please allow me some time to come up with creative ways to sweep my list of stuff to do under the rug. Once that is done, I will work on making my world interesting enough to justify your precious time visiting and in the meantime, I will sneak into Google Reader to catch up on what all you REAL writers are up to!

Question for Both of My Readers (BoMR): HOW THE EFF DO YOU GUYS DO IT?!

blogging, blogs way better than mine | 17 Comments »

Here is a comment I just received (and approved) from someone I don’t know. We have all received comments that run the spectrum of rational thought and utter incoherence (usually my name is attached to those comments). This comment is in regards to my post about not knowing the difference between this and that thing, whatever they were. The post was so innocuous as to not even be funny, but apparently, this person felt the need to: A. insult me, B. show off the breadth of his wisdom and C. completely miss the point of my post.

Of course, there is no reason to defend myself to this person as 13 other commenters, and these are people whose opinion actually matters to me, didn’t have a problem with the post. 1/14 are odds I can live with. I will sleep comfortably tonight.

In the big picture, I love this comment and I wish this person left a link to his website, because I would love for all of you to pay him a visit and say Hi. I would.

So, in my “black and white” way, I wanted to ask you:

A. Do you allow ALL comments to your posts?

B. How does a negative comment make you feel?

Wow thats a very ignorant post. I cant believe you feel comfortable showing people how closed minded and uninformed you are.

I guess you just see names of stuff and dont even look into the substance, thats why you dont know the difference between things. whats the difference between you and a moron?

K-Fed-Justin Timberlake? Hello! K-Fed is a leech who just used britney to get money and try to get famous off her fame. Hes a no talent wannabe rapper!

Justin is a talented singer, dancer and composer who has his own money and doesnt have to use chicks to get ahead. justin timberlake has A JOB! DUH!

Angie Harmon/Mariska Hargitay? Two different people. Mariska is a phenomenal actress. Angie is a great actress too but she has nothing on Mariska. Mariska has a glowing spirit that Angie cant really match. I have nothing against Angie but Im partial to Mariska.

Law & Order SVU/Law & Order CI! The difference..seriously you must have never seen the show or only seen it once. SVU is one of the top rated shows, its been on for like 9 seasons! Criminal Intent, not even close! Mariska won an Emmy! and a Golden Globe! SVU is actually a good show with a steady cast. Criminal Intent sux and they cant make up their mind who they want on it!

Copyright is used to protect your body of work or artistry. Trademark is just for a name or logo.

Prison is where you go once youre convicted..youll be there for a long long time. Jail, you could be in there overnight. When you get arrested they throw you in jail before the trial even starts.

Hilary Duff/Lindsay Lohan??? Lindsay Lohan is a damn crackhead!

cleanser could be anything! it could be a pad to clean your pores or something..soap is SOAP! sudsy soap!

Psychopath is just fuckin crazy! They snap and do some crazy shit..cuz the voices in their head told them to do it! Sociopath is a person who has no real feelings or remorse. they dont even understand the concept. they do what gratifies them with no regard for other peoples feelings or the consequence. Im sure the two can go hand in hand but theres a difference.

Carpet is like PINNED down to the floor. a rug you just lay on the floor and u can pick it right back up

Jelly is disgusting jelly fake shit thats not even made of real fruit. jam spreads on the bread smooth and actually tastes good and has fruit in it.

A butterfly is beautiful, a moth is a damn brown dusty moth

Sympathy is when you feel sorry for someone, Empathy is when you can feel what theyre feeling..relate to their emotion.

I can go on for days but i pointed out the ones that annoyed me the most.

City is a whole city, a town can be within a city.

Bacteria is what CAUSES viruses

Hogs have horns

Hotel is a place where respectable people might stay. A motel is a NOTEL, notel nobody you stay there.
its really sad how black and white your world is

blogging | 17 Comments »

To all of you for making this a really fun and enlightening ride.

When I tell the people in my “real” life that I have a blog, I typically get dismissed and an occasional “You must have too much time on your hands.”

When I hear this, I usually dismiss them back (re-dismiss). But deep down inside me, I am thinking “There isn’t enough time in a day to share stories with all of you!” I crave reading your words and I love sharing my nonsense with both of you.

Just a couple of years ago, I asked my then 4 year old son what he wanted to be when he grew up. He looked up at me and without missing a beat said: “a caterpillar.” How precious was that?! I immediately posted his comment on the blog. Well, as I am approaching a dry spell in my posts (aka drier spell), I went up to Marc for more words of wisdom. I asked him to say something funny….JUST so I could record it in my blog! As you can see, I must be in a LOT of trouble if I am shaping my world to fit my blog!

By the way, his reply to me was “water bottle.” I won’t be posting about that.

 Once again, thanks for being both of you!

blogging | 8 Comments »

How proud am I that I was literally awoken by the creative juices flowing in my bladder at 3AM! I must have peed it all out because here I am sitting on couch, laptop appropriately on lap, waiting for words to happen. I got nothing.

What is interesting about writing is that you cannot see the time span from the last sentence to this one I am typing now. It has been exactly 14 minutes since I told you I was happy that the creative juices were flowing. 14 damn minutes of sitting here with fingers poised eagerly awaiting the words to spill forth out of my fingertips and onto the screen. I still got nothing.

Now what? Does this exercise of just writing anything down and letting the muse take over and watch as she (the muse’s name is Sally) coaxes letters into words, words into coherent sentences, sentences into paragraphs and paragraphs into a post worth reading? Guess what? I got nothing.

I could just go into my very extensive archive and grab one of the two posts that I am actually proud of and just repost them. But then I would no longer be writing. I would be cutting and pasting. So, I sit here and I still got nothing.

But,  4 paragraphs later, I still haven’t come up with a cogent thought. Sometimes I think that this is what separates the real writers like both of you from the poseurs.  The act of typing is no closer to writing than the act of vomiting is. Whether the vomitus spews forth from my mouth or from the tips of my fingers is no different. All this talk of projectile vomiting and I still got nothing.

I could just ask both of you a question instead and revel in your words of wisdom. To non-writers like me, hearing how you shape your words into juicy, bite-sized morsels of art, makes my mouth water. It also makes what is left of my self-esteem fade to black.  Don’t worry about me, there has to be some vanity that comes with blogging. If you really think about it. I mean a blog is an online journal. If it ended there, then that would be fine. We would all have our computers to type our “Dear Diary’s” into. But that is not where it ends. With blogging, we take those words, those words that in the old days we used to protect with one of those little, itsy-bitsy keys, and proudly display them for hundreds of people a day. “Dear Diary: Today I farted.” Press PUBLISH. “Dear Diary: I wonder if Dorothy really likes me.” SUBMIT. “Dear Diary: Am I REALLY the only guy with a diary?” POST.  Now what? I got lots of sentences, but I still got nothing to chew on. Sentence vs Substance.

So, to make a very short story long: I have written about writing; actually, I have not-written about not-writing…again. I can only come up with one conclusion….I got nothing. As my dearest newest blog-charmer, Lyssa, says: “I’m officially out of material. The well has run dry.” Whereas she has what real writers call “Writer’s Block,” I have what Non-Writers call “A Dose of Reality.”

Go visit some real writing here, here, here and here.

blogging | 6 Comments »

To take that EFFING water kettle that is howling right now and throw it out the window!

(there, I did it)

I was making the rounds through Google Reader because I can’ t miss a word of what you are all writing. I put water on to boil and quickly got lost in your posts. The damn thing woke up everyone in the house! It has the most annoying sound, more like the feeble and pathetic wail of a dying antelope as it is being eaten by a lion.

Luckily my tea wasn’t ready because it would have been squirting out of my nose as I was laughing so hard at The Real Dan’s post about American football and Lyssa’s take on Sea Monkeys and Deb’s offering of her dog to the highest bidder (this got me thinking about doing the same with Satana, my youngest baby goat. By the way, Deb, your basement looks like my house does right now…and I don’t have dogs!).

Jodi, the one blogger that always makes me work for my reward of reading her posts, because with her I need to chew on the words and let them crawl into my skin. A perfect example.

Then there is Terri, who is quite contrary to absolutely no one. Skip her posts for a day and I miss out on the ruminations of a charming woman as she pieces together her journey through life. How lucky are we that she shares her words with us!

There are about 30 others that I can’t live without. Here is a small sampling of their latest posts:

Chuck at D is for Dads

Why Paisley? (BRACE YOURSELF!)

Avery Gray

American Mum

Loz from Midlife - A Journey

Then I quickly move on to some Liberal and Skeptic rants. I wish I had their knowledge and their courage to write so prolifically about topics that mean something to me.

When you are done here, look over to the right and continue with the rest of my blogroll. All these people are in my daily Google Reader. Reading your words are one of the only rituals I have in my life. Thank you

By the way, I really did throw out the kettle!

blogging, blogs way better than mine, funny | 7 Comments »

You have now come to realize that Dan Leone is so deeply faceted that if you miss a few posts, you are guaranteed to throw out a piece of the puzzle. You may have noticed the non-writer writing. Perhaps you have noticed that I have no problems using my Baby Goats to stoke my joke repertoire in order to get both of my reader’s attentions (if not affections). You may have seen, buried deep in nothing I have yet written, the rational skeptic atheist who cringes at the mere mention of gods and other fantasies and superstitions. Perhaps if you were paying close attention to some of the posts I have still haven’t worked up the courage to write, a bleeding heart liberal who has transformed my feelings for George Bush from mere annoyance at Americans to downright hatred at what he has done and not done to this country.And, of course, you have seen the Dan Leone mired in self-pity recently with the stunning news of my father’s illness and how he has been assigned an expiration date of 2 years. The reason for this is easy to explain. I have grown to love both of you and I sincerely respect and seek out your opinions on everything. Whether it is how to deal with death or what book you are reading or what music you listen to when not-writing at 3AM. Your opinions are as important to me, perhaps more so than the “real” people in my life. I love that you share with me your experiences. I crave to know your day-to-day and how you manage it all. I especially love the fact that your opinions are so very different than mine.

The blogging world is filled with people that visit other’s blogs only to want it reciprocated. The “circle of life” of blogging involves many “drive-bys” and “tag-your-its” designed to get people to their site. This is mostly fine with me as it is part of the social networking schema that we all need to follow, otherwise we might as well write words on a piece of paper and throw them off a cliff. We crave this society of moms, dads, Christians, Atheists, Liberals, Conservatives, friends.

As I am sure both of you will agree, if somehow the words became only a one way street for me and I could only read them and never write them again, then I would still be visiting your blogs. It is what I need to get through my day. It is how I manage it all.

For now, the pity party is over. Of course, you will see me give you periodic updates on my father’s health and how we are coping. But, no more “What the fuck do I do now’s” or “Why me’s?” …for the time being! [wink, wink]

So, to both of you, I send a heartfelt thank you. Thank you for being there and thank you for caring and thank you for giving me something to aspire to.

blogging | 10 Comments »

As both of you know, blog memes, or blemes, are a cute way to add content to your blog, narcissitically give details about yourself that is sometimes interesting and reciprocate by passing on the meme to others. The person that initiated the meme will typically put their link on it so as the meme propagates, they become the center of the universe. Additionally, there is a lot of linky-love happening as a blogger “tags” their blog buddies. And so on…and so on….It is the blog-o-verse equivalent to the Amway…without the promise of yachts.

There are memes to cover every conceivable topic. Here is a brief list of some that I have seen (ie Googled) recently:

• 10 Things About Me
• 5 Things About Me
• 8 Questions
• 4 Questions
• 5 Favorite Gadgets
• Show Us Your Desktop
• Handwriting Meme
• Middle Name Meme
• Thursday Thirteen
• Interview Me
• What is My Most Common Writing Mistake
• The Christmas Meme
• If I Could Be…
• Super Simple Spiritual Sunday
• The Name Meme
• 5 Strengths / 4 People Meme
• Book Meme
• Inside the Actor’s Studio Meme
• Why Do You Blog?
• The Ultimate Power Meme
• The Birthday Meme
• 101 Things About Me
• The Soundtrack of Your Life
• The Top 5 Reasons The Best Bloggers Come From The Planet Earth
• Link Love Meme
• [your name] Needs
• Johari Window Meme
• Booky Meme
• Blogging Tips Meme
• The Cook Next Door Meme
• Wikipedia Blog Meme Game
• 5 Rules For Really Great Blogging

…and the list goes on.

Despite my apparent distaste for meme-ing, the truth is I don’t mind them. I actually enjoy reading about both of you and I am flattered that you are interested in me. The only problem is the “tag, your it” part. I HATE THAT PART!

So for now until the remainder of 2007, I am declaring a Meme-atorium. This means that I will happily allow myself to be tagged by you with a promise that I will “get to it” sometime in 2008 (just around the time that blogging becomes un-cool and Time magazine has a cover article entitled: The Death of the Blog. I am always on the wrong side of the cool curve!).

But I have only one request. In order to tag me for a meme, I asking that both of you include a meme, started by me, called: A Blog Better Than Mine Meme. All you need to do is review someone else’s blog that you think is at least as good as yours. Many of you already do something like this with your weekly reviews of blogs or Blog of the Week segments.

This isn’t about self-promotion or massive propagation. This is about genuinely acknowledging the talent and creativity of others. No reason to link back to me or anyone else. Simply include a post entitled “A Blog Better Than Mine” and review it.

I am only thinking this through as I type and I know I am getting incoherent, so to make a short story long, here are the key points of my “meme.”

1. Tag me for any meme you want. In fact, I welcome them.
2. Be patient and wait until 2008 (only 2 months away!)
3. In the same week, write a post called “A Blog Better Than Mine” and review it.

One day, I will come up with a logo to make it pretty and some “rules” that actually make sense.

Thanks for listening.

blogging, blogs way better than mine, tagged | 4 Comments »

Once again, I need to leave a post of substance behind in order to do the business of meme-ing.  Say good-bye to my Self-imposed Meme called “Posts that made me blank this week” as it slips down the page to number 2.

When Avery says to “take it like a man” and Deb happily blurts out that she tagged me not because she likes what I have to say but in order to punish me “because he NEVER does the meme’s he’s assigned. For shame, Dan! For shame” (scroll allllllll the way down as that is where Deb puts her afterthoughts), then I know my blog is no longer about me. It is now about responding to the “Tell me 37 things your high school classmates would say about you, if they saw you today” meme or the “Tell me the name of your favorite 28 insects” meme or my favorite “What would you do if you found out that all words ending in -ing were made illegal tomorrow” meme.

Firstly, in my own feeble defense, I am only behind on two tags that I have neglected. One was too complicated to figure out and the other one was one I already did before (”If you owned a family of albino gerbils, what would you name them” meme). One day, I will do those too, but squeaky wheels and all that, I will do Deb and Avery’s because these chiquitas are the very frozen definition of cool and I am a mere mortal in their presence [by the way, spell check doesn't like the word chiquitas. It preferred it capitalized and I am not ready to take it to that level...yet].

********WARNING: MEME ZONE***********

So, Avery is first. It is called 8 Things:

8 things I’m passionate about:
1. Thinking about writing
2. Not writing
3. Reading about writing
4. MEMES…accompanied by insults!
5. Nuclear Hot Buffalo Wings - despite being a vegetarian. I SOOOOOOO miss them! Sorry, poor buffaloes.
6. Skepticism / Atheism / Anti-Superstitionism
7. The New York Times Crossword Puzzle
8. Oh right, I am supposed to say family here.

8 things I want to do before I die:
1. Just one thing - Live

8 things I say often:
1. BoMR - acronym for Both of My Readers
2. Fuck-damn-shit-piss-nipple-penis is my swear of choice
3. I overuse the word “clearly”…clearly
4. I tell my kids to “figure it out” all too often
5. NO!!!! - with all the exclamation points
6. “OK, just this one time” when #5 doesn’t work
7. “Are you watching Law and Order again?!”
8. This may count as 3 things, but so be it:

Every day I come home and lift my 4 year old daughter up in the air and ask her 3 questions:
“Who is the only man that will ever really love you?” She answers: “You, Daddy!”
“What do all boys have?” She answers: ” Germs, Daddy!”
“What does wearing too much makeup make you look like?” She answers: “Cheap, Daddy!”

I will happily pay for the therapy bills.

8 books I’ve read recently:
1. Me Talk Pretty One Day
2. The Assault on Reason
3. The God Delusion
4. God is Not Great
5. Why Darwin Matters
6. A Short History of Nearly Everything
7. The Road
8. Ender’s Game

(nothing above was meant to offend anyone….SORRY all you Bill Bryson haters!)

8 songs that I could listen to over and over:
1. Pavarotti singing Non Ti Scordar Di Me (Do Not Forget Me)
2. Audrey Hepburn singing Moon River
3. Diana Krall singing The Look of Love
4. Wuthering Heights sung by either Hayley Westenra or the insane Kate Bush
5. Shiver by Natalie Imbruglia
6. YoYo Ma playing Bach’s Cello Suites
7. The Theme from my favorite movie, Cinema Paradiso, sung by Josh Groban
8. Dream On by Aerosmith

8 things that attract me to my best friend:
With musical tastes as above, do you really think I have a best friend? It might be a sad commentary, but I can’t say I have a best friend. It would be too easy to say my wife, but that is not same to me. So, for now, I got nothin’.

8 things I’ve learned this past year:
1. SQL
2. What pyoderma gangrenosum is - I have it and my life sucks
3. How to debate the creationism v evolution issue
4. That I feel borderline hatred for George Bush
5. Bloggers make great friends
6. That you can find almost ANY song on YouTube
7. That I no longer have infinite patience…In fact, it is INFINITELY finite
8. Netflix is very cool!

8 people who should do this meme and not complain:
1. What goes around, comes around, Deb.
7 other people that want to do it.
Sorry, I am awful like that.

Thanks Avery!

********WARNING: MEME ZONE***********

Now to move on to Deb’s Meme. This is the crazy one where you tell people your middle name, just in case you wanted to be stalked even more closely by a lunatic. Never mind, here is the cut and paste:

The Rules:

1) You have to post the rules before you give the facts.
2) Players must list one fact that is relevant to your life for each letter in your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name then use a name that you like.
3) When you are tagged, you must write a post containing your own middle name game facts.
4) At the end of your post, you must tag one person for each letter in your middle name. Don’t forget to comment them telling that they are tagged and to read your post to get the rules.

I was so ecstatic that I do not have a middle name. Finally a meme that I really cannot do! But, alas, I got to rule 2 which clearly states to make one up. So, Deb, here you go:

N - For “Say No To Memes”

Y - For YouTube-irrific

Dan

blogging, blogs way better than mine, tagged | 7 Comments »

I have been toying with this idea for some time now and thought it would be time to blog about it (if not obvious, I am really good at thinking about doing stuff!).

A good percentage of my time on the internet is spent reading other people’s blogs (OPB). I find inspiration and utter entertainment reading your words. I write in my blog only to be included in the club, otherwise, I would be just as happy lurking and devouring your words.

So, I thought I would give myself a meme called “Posts that made me….” and share with you a few posts that have affected me in some way. Of course, these are not the ONLY posts; in fact, the difficulty with this meme is that I need to narrow down my selection.

To conclude, whenever I am bored with my own words, you will see this semi-random (?!) post. Enjoy.

Post(s) that made me laugh this week:

I have a confession to share with both of you; I really hate Halloween. I am not talking about my Baby Goats and Halloween. It is awesome to watch them get dressed and overloaded on all things sugar. But, as an adult I have no idea what it is about wearing a costume that totally frightens me. In fact, I hate it so much that my “go-to” costume when I am forced to wear one is to attach a whole bunch of watches to my belt and when people ask me what I am, I simply tell them that I am a “Waist of Time.” Get it?!

I know there is a deep psychology to it that probably isn’t worth going into to, or vice versa, that there is no psychology to it and I am merely an idiot, but I don’t like the idea of being masked or pretending I am something that I am not. It could also be related to the fact that I cannot stand playing practical jokes on people.

But that doesn’t stop me from reading about other people’s adventures in playing dress-up:

For two different versions of the same Halloween party coupled with a ton of photos, check out Life’s Short and Terri Terri, Quite Contrary. How they managed to get 6 hot chicks into a bar together is beyond me!

For a spin on the traditional and ubiquitous memes, read Avery Gray’s take on it. I am reading this at exactly 2:57AM after the Red Sox won the World Series and I almost peed! She has a bullet point about the “comedian” Carrot Top and it made me think of the last time I was in Vegas, I saw his steroid-induced, can’t-put-my-arms-down-because-my-lats-are-too-big body fly through Caesar’s Palace. What a freak show (Carrot Top, not Avery..well maybe Avery too. I will get back to you on that)!
Post that made me think this week:

When my brain is craving the occasional jolt that can only come from actually USING IT, then I serve myself well to visit him. This blog deals with the issue of gullibility and anti-gullibility. I have only recently discovered him and am grateful for both the words on his blog as well as the thoughtful comments he leaves on mine. This post was particularly of interest to me and I feel it will be for all true skeptics. People have leveled the charge against me that since I don’t fully understand all scientific principals, like electricity, nor can I see electricity, that I have a similar “faith” in electricity that religious people have in their gods. Of course, this is not true and this post reminds me of that fact.

Post that made me cry this week:

They may have given the world the crazy antics of Benny Hill, but last week, this Brit gave me moments of tearful reflection as he shared with us the first post he ever wrote. He wrote this painful message in response to the death of a friend’s child. But tears of sadness were quickly replaced by tears of hope as Big Dan goes on to tell us what he is intending to do about it. Read it here. His name may be boring, but what he is doing is far from it. Good luck Dan. You are a hero!

Post that made me smarter this week:

I am a recent convert to the very latest in geek-chic (actually, I am a few years late) approach to personal productivity called Getting Things Done, or GTD. I have taken a bazillion “time management” courses and all of them completely ignore the what the hell do I do today question. They all have this over-simplified, top-down approach to getting things done. GTD, to me, is a revolutionary concept that clearly addresses those issues.

To understand some of this, you need to know that I literally (pun intended) am the most disorganized person on the planet. My job and borderline crisis state at home demand that I stay on top of myriad issues, projects and other minutiae. I cringe at the sight of “to do” lists that all but fall at the wayside as soon as the first interruption comes along and all your to do’s get pushed to tomorrow.

GTD is the first system that makes sense intuitively and exploits some of my fundamental flaws and makes them into a positive attribute to the getting things done.

Like most people, I am stuck in the “paralysis of analysis” phase; the thinking-about-the-beginningto-think-about the-research-to-begin phase. So I spend a lot of time reading other GTD’ers as they go through their process.

I stumbled upon this blog that essentially tell you how to “Get GTD Done.” It is well written and serves to motivate me, yet again, to GET THINGS DONE!

So go, get away from here and read some real blogs! You can come back later to thank me.

blogging, blogs way better than mine | 7 Comments »

I respond well to humiliation. So when Deb from Missives from Suburbia emails me saying:

You need to blog tonight. I’m getting tired of nothing new when I visit.

Then I know it is high time for me to step up. I didn’t realize that the third member of the BoMR Club (Both of My Readers Club) would have such an affect.  But I now know that I have a fickle fanbase that requires a subtle balance of rapid-fire repartee coupled  with thought-provoking posts that linger like a lover’s scent.

After my last post about gaming, I assumed that I should let that one linger. Clearly, that was not true. My last post should have been buried below the fold, if published at all.

So thank you Deb for setting me straight.  You definitely deserve a link-back! Brace youself for all the click-through’s to your excellent site. For those who do not know Deb, then you should definitely stop reading here and follow the link. Besides excellent writing, you should check out the labels she attaches to each of her posts. Here is one example from a single post: bill cosby, it’s only illegal if you get caught, mmm…hot dogs! How can anyone go wrong with that!?

This leads me to a question for BoMR: When you write a particularly thoughtful post, one that really stands out in your own head as something meaningful, do you try to let it linger a bit before you post again? Or do you simply post as the muse mandates? How does that make you feel knowing that perhaps 90% of your readers (at least my readers) never leave the top post?

blogging, funny | 15 Comments »

OK, I need both of you to keep a secret. It is critical that you do in order that I maintain my “manhoodliness.” I have come to the realization lately that after 43 years on this planet, I do not play any video games. That’s right, no, meaning none whatsoever, video games. But not only that, I have never really played any video games.

I checked to make sure that all the parts that “define” me as a man are still intact. Check. Then checked again for the fun of it. I confirm that I am unequivocally male. Add to that my genetic predisposition to think of sex every 7 seconds interspersed with the words Red Sox and I am confident that I am still male….at least ceremoniously.

But somehow I was out the day that video games were invented. I lived a couple of miles, and hung out in, a local mall. I know there was an arcade. I know my friends were in there playing all those new-fangled arcade games, like Pacman, Asteroids, Donkey Kong, Tempest and Centipede. We all remember those games where you had just a single joystick or, if you were really fancy, a button and a giant trackball. All my friends were in the arcade, so what the eff was I doing while they were playing? Was I a bystander? Was I out shopping at Chess King because I was all about fashion (a trait that clearly has lingered to this day)?

Truth is, I have no idea what I was doing, but I can tell you, without hesitation, that I was not playing video games.

Part of the problem is that I am not a very competitive person. I was never one that needed to crush my opponent. That desire is mostly lost of me (check manhood here. Yup, still intact). I am not even competitive with myself. Add to that, I feel like I am completely unable to immerse myself in the strange new worlds promised by the video games.

Even now, with children, I do not play video games with them despite the fact that their thumbs are the only part of their bodies that gets exercise. They can quite literally sit in front of the Game Cube, which I bought for them, for days, maybe years on end without looking up.

So, here I am, at 43, trying to figure out this video game thing. Here is my plan: I want to take your suggestions and purchase a video game (for the computer and not the game consoles). I then want to write about the experience as I work my way up the learning curve. I can only imagine that this will serve as riveting blogging…if my blog was not riveting enough.

So, to get me started, I need your advice downloading or purchasing a video game. I know there are different types of games, like first-person shooters, sports, puzzles, arcade-style, strategy and role-playing games.
If I had my druthers, I would not choose a F.P.S game. But I can be convinced. A general rule is that it must be playable on a basic PC laptop with the out-of-the-box graphics card. No hardware mods allowed. I would gladly give up slick graphics for interesting gameplay . The other criteria is that I am not required to pay monthly subscription fees to use the game. I don’t have two pennies to rub together, and last I checked I have a couple or three children that need to be fed (on a rotating schedule) so please don’t make me pay to play.

Questions for Both of My Readers (BoMR): Since I am at best only a geek-wannabe, I need your help.
What video game should I purchase as a 43 year old’s first introduction to the world of gaming?
What are your thoughts about gaming in general?
I know many of us are parents so does that mean you have less time or perhaps more time to engage in games?

blogging, funny | 15 Comments »

I am trying to write a story about growing up in a section of Newton Mass called “:The Lake.” It was a wonderful experience for me and thought it would be an interesting idea for a book. One of the things I remember was a weird language we spoke. We used words that I have never heard of since like Mush and Divia and Gimmel. I have no idea what they are. They sound Yiddish but The Lake was all about the Italians from San Donato Italy.

Well, as part of the research for this book, I put a classified on craigslist.com. I offered to trade a cup of coffee for an hour long interview to talk about their memories and especially their vocabulary. I never expected to get a single response. In fact, I have received about 20 responses in 24 hours! Most of them very helpful and I am eternally grateful. But here is one of the best replies I have received:

im 27 grew up in lake just had fathers fun at magnis as wellas other fam members in past i know older peeps inlake that grew upin 60s n 70s if u interested get back mush

This is a direct CUT AND PASTE of his email to me. How can I talk to him about the vocabulary of The Lake if he doesn’t speak ENGLISH!! What is that ?

Technorati : book research
Del.icio.us : book research

Powered by Zoundry

blogging, funny, writing | 8 Comments »

For all you bloggers (since it seems we spend a lot of time blogging about blogging), this is a REAL post from a REAL blogger! Lozzie, the Aussie (I know that doesn’t rhyme) has done it once again. He writes about what we all think about.

The mission statement of my blog is to point both of my readers (BoMR) to posts like Loz’.

Go HERE stat!

blogging, blogs way better than mine | 6 Comments »

As both of you know, I used to be an EMT. If you stick around long enough, you realize that I begin many conversations with that exact sentence. I tend to use that card when I am at a party because it inevitably results in “what’s the grossest thing you ever saw” conversations. For a brief, shining moment, I am the center of the universe as I relate story after story in the “The Older I Get, The Better I Used To Be” saga that is my life.

The point of this pointless post is that I have seen a lot of stuff. By “a lot”, I mean “A LOT!” Lots of capital letters and exclamation points. Blood, guts, pieces and parts. I have been puked on, shat upon, beaten up and even managed to save a life or two.

So, when my 6 year old came up to me and showed me his loose tooth, wiggling it furiously and bending it so that it was horizontal, I must have said “That is fantastic, Marc! You are getting to be a BIG boy now. Can I wiggle it too?”

WRONG! What I said instead was: “Holy crap! That is gross! Get that away from me! YUCK! ICKY!” and almost had my knees give out on me.

Luckily it fell out when I wasn’t near it.

From tough guy to p*ssy! Remember my motto: The older I get, the better I used to be. 

blogging, funny, parenting | 5 Comments »

I am sitting at the kitchen table and 18 inches from my face is a PLATTER of Greek cookies, Italian cookies and chocolate chip cookies (leftover from CoCo’s birthday) and I am not in the least bit tempted. Well, I am tempted….but I am not succumbing to it.

Instead, I am eating two bananas, two dates, two Brazil nuts (”prescribed” by my dermatologist) and a hard boiled egg [insert retching sound here] and I LOVE IT!

It is these little realizations like this that make me happy. 50 pounds lighter, a simplified, clean diet and no sign of stopping! talk to me next week as I inhale a Burger King Whopper for breakfast!

(This post officially contains 3 exclamation points. You know I must be sincere! Oops 4 exclamation points! 5…OK STOP NOW! Aargh!)

Technorati : diet, temptation

Powered by Zoundry

blogging, funny | 5 Comments »

While continuing to avoid doing my writing, I have had a very difficult time coming up with names. On the one hand, I want people to relate to them, but on the other, they need to be reasonably random. For example, I have been struggling to find a name for my protagonist, who is Italian. I finally settled in on Dino “Dean” Cedrone. The problem is that I feel like I know a million Dino Cedrones. So, it is obvious that I should not rely on my own memory to come up with a name.

Now, there is a website, called Fake Name Generator. This site will generate a name based on certain criteria such as gender, nationality and country of origin. It not only generates a name, but a completely believable address, social security number, email address, mother’s maiden name and even a birth date.

In a matter of seconds, I have some purely appropriate names of characters in my novel:

Pantaleone Napolitani

Filomena Arcuri

Filiberto Giordano

Guglielmo Colombo

etc

Give it a shot, it helps.

Technorati : writing tools

Powered by Zoundry

blogging, writing | 7 Comments »

Hello Both of You:

As we know, it is always an honor to be awarded some of the top named prizes in blogdom. From the venerable Thinking Blogger Award to slightly less known Best Blog for Playing Annoying WAV Files Award, we are beginning to see the same awards being tossed around like the latest chain letter. We are still allowed to be proud, but perhaps it is time to freshen the pot a little (I don’t know what “freshen the pot” means either, but I am not deleting it).

I am trying to come up with the rules for two new awards. I will keep the awards a secret until I actually create the logos but I will tell you that these cannot be given out with reckless abandon. You will really need to think about them. It should “Freshen the Pot.”

Stay tuned for the next biggest and baddest, most thought-provoking blog awards [blo-wards] ever.

Thanks for listening.

Powered by ScribeFire.

blogging | No Comments »

Hello BoMR (Both of My Readers):

I am only now realizing that my site is broken in Internet Explorer. I don’t even know that last time I looked at IE! Do either of you two know how long this has been happening? I assume it has to do with some of the images or something. If anyone has any idea how to troubleshoot this, I would be eternally grateful.

Otherwise, I will stare at it tonight so be prepared for a dead website as I am sure I will only make it more broken.

Thank for being you two.

 UPDATE: I believe my head in the sidebar was too big, so I shrunk myself and all is as mediocre as before.

Powered by ScribeFire.

blogging |