He is still my Superman

Posted by danleone on August 3rd, 2008 filed in my father

As my father battles Lou Gehrig’s disease, I have come to the painful realization that this disease is moving faster than we are. The other night, I came home to find my cousin in the driveway with my mom. He had an electric lawnmower and was actually showing my mom how to mow the front lawn. Luckily, we do not have a large yard and it is not particularly well-groomed anyways. But, this was ALWAYS my father’s job. As I type this, I realize that there were a few years during my teen years, where it was my job. But certainly in the last 20 years, I have never mowed the lawn.

I also just realized that my father was using the same gas mower that we have always had! This thing is a relic and if my memory serves me correctly, never really worked all that well to begin with. Apparently, last week, my dad attempted, stupidly, to mow the lawn despite his condition. Well, he fell down a couple of times trying to pull-start the engine.

Since those falls, my mom suggested that she be the one to do this chore (no one consulted me with this decision, of course). My cousin had an electric mower and brought it over and instructed my mom in the finer points of lawn care.

Imagine my surprise pulling into my driveway and seeing my mom, with her arthritic knees, dragging the machine around in curvy attempts at straight lines and trying not to run over the cord. I saw my dad, supervising the lesson, clearly laughing on the inside at the thought of an electric lawnmower. As far as my dad was concerned, each blade of grass was made of titanium requiring mega-horsepower and a wake of burning oil billowing behind him.

But, that moment, coupled with an ever-increasing number of moments, stabs me in the heart with the realization that our lives are changing and we are slowly accommodating. The status quo is no longer. At 78, my father can no longer mow the lawn. He cannot make it into the basement to HIS tool bench that at most I have been allowed to borrow from his collection of 15 hammers. He did not help me install the AC in his dining room yesterday and when I needed a saw to cut a strip of wood and I could not find one. I asked him and he wrote down precisely where 7 of his rusty old saws were hanging. His role has changed in just a few short months from the man who could build shelves using scraps of wood; no shelf matching the one above it and no 90 degree angels to be found anywhere. The man who nurtured each tomato to perfect ripeness, no longer notices the weeds have overtaken the garden and we can no longer determine where the basil lives.

As we all watched and laughed at the bittersweet image of my mom mowing the lawn, while my father relinquished control for the first time in his life, I stopped smiling and began to cry.

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22 Responses to “He is still my Superman”

  1. paisley Says:
    August 3rd, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    this is so well written dan.. i know the emotion in here is real and it causes my heart to go out to all of you,, i just want to say what a “blessing” it is that you have him right there,, and can savor ever moment,, happy and sad…

    paisley’s last blog post..the past….

  2. Maggie's Mind Says:
    August 3rd, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    My heart breaks for your family. It is such a cruel disease that does change everything. It just does. I’d love to say something positive and sunshiny right here, but I keep deleting it because it sounds fake and useless, so I’ll just say you’re in my thoughts.

    Maggie’s Mind’s last blog post..Weekly Winners Sunday 8/3/08

  3. terri Says:
    August 3rd, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    I can’t find words. There are none that could possibly ease the pain you all feel at the hands of this cruel and unfair disease. Please know that you are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers.

    terri’s last blog post..How Does Your Garden Grow?

  4. Lilacspecs Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 1:26 am

    Very poignant Dan. I’m sorry that you’re family is struggling so much. I wish you all my best, as usual.

    Lilacspecs’s last blog post..Weekly Winners July 27-August 2

  5. Miss Riss Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 12:09 am

    Your words endear you to me in ways you probably cannot fathom.

    Miss Riss’s last blog post..Happy 14th Birthday, Man-cub!

  6. celticbuffy Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Your post brings tears to my eyes. Sending good thoughts and vibes to you and your family.

    celticbuffy’s last blog post..Definitely Serving It Up & Doing Nothing Else

  7. Missives From Suburbia Says:
    August 6th, 2008 at 7:37 pm

    I’m so sorry, hon.

    Missives From Suburbia’s last blog post..Just Wash Them Already

  8. Fox Says:
    August 7th, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    Dan,

    I’m so sorry about your dad. I spend a lot of time thinking about mortality and my folks and how I don’t know what I will do when the time comes. We’re close, as most Italian families are.

    A big hug for you.

    Fox’s last blog post..The politics of dancing….

  9. Christine Says:
    August 10th, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    Dan, I love that your family was laughing at what was so obviously a bitter milestone.

    I mean, when you said that your father was laughing on the inside, that says so much about what kind of a man he is, and the life he’s led.

    He’s a superman to me as well.

    Christine’s last blog post..Why IM’ing is evil

  10. meleah rebeccah Says:
    August 10th, 2008 at 8:24 pm

    “As we all watched and laughed at the bittersweet image of my mom mowing the lawn, while my father relinquished control for the first time in his life, I stopped smiling and began to cry.”

    Oh Sweety, my heart is breaking for you.

    meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..So Happy Together…

  11. oh Says:
    August 10th, 2008 at 9:18 pm

    Oh Dan. I finally get here and you make me cry.

    This was so touching.

    oh’s last blog post..A Tale of Two Sisters

  12. Ruprecht Says:
    August 11th, 2008 at 7:55 pm

    Damn.

    Rupe’s speechless …..

    Ruprecht’s last blog post..It’s The “Cheesiness” That Beckons …..

  13. MIke Says:
    August 14th, 2008 at 11:39 am

    Thanks so much for your story. I know that impending feeling of whats to come is hard. I’ve been there as well with my dad. My heart goes out to you and your family.

    MIke’s last blog post..Adsense?

  14. hotmamamia Says:
    August 15th, 2008 at 11:44 am

    I literally was just thinking about you and your dad as I was driving home this morning….and wondering how things were going. Ya know what? I am so happy that at first your were able to LAUGH, because even those tiny moments of laughter help carry you through the tears. Keep laughing with your family Dan…it is the medicine that heals the sorrowful soul. Thinking of you and sending positive karma.

    hotmamamia’s last blog post..Haiku Buckaroo part deux

  15. Lilacspecs Says:
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    Dan, I have some bling for you on my blog. Come get it whenever you like!

    Lilacspecs’s last blog post..Haiku Friday – The Joy of Getting Stuff

  16. meleah rebeccah Says:
    August 18th, 2008 at 9:37 pm

    just checking in to see if you are okay?

    meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..Backing Up Our Blogs

  17. Dan Leone Says:
    August 19th, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    Hi Everyone:

    Thanks for taking the time to write and to check in with me. Your words have never failed to inspire me.

    I am doing well-ish.

    Dan.

    Dan Leone’s last blog post..He is still my Superman

  18. Christa Says:
    August 20th, 2008 at 11:51 am

    I’m so sorry to hear about your father.
    It’s such a painful process to see your parents getting ill and fade away. I’ve been there too even if it was a long time ago.
    Remember him the way he used to be whenever the day-to-day things change. That’s the best thing you can do :)

    Christa’s last blog post..Crescent Mechanical Moon

  19. soapbox mom Says:
    August 20th, 2008 at 2:19 pm

    I’m so sorry, Dan.

    I agree with hotmamamia. Seek out laughter. It’s good to have after the tears.

    soapbox mom’s last blog post..The Last Lazy Days of Summer

  20. flit Says:
    August 20th, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    I’m so sorry that your family is having to deal with so much sorrow.

    flit’s last blog post..fiction for Emerging Adults

  21. meleah rebeccah Says:
    August 28th, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    hmmmmmm. I am going to check your flickr strip to see if there is any activity on that?

    *worried*

    meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..The Onion

  22. Loz Says:
    August 31st, 2008 at 7:46 am

    Dan my Dad passed away 4 years ago this month and I didn’t tell him often enough that I loved him. Do not let that regret claim you too.

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