Good company is more important than good wine.
Posted by danleone on May 23rd, 2008 filed in my father, wineI raced home from work tonight. It just might be the first night where I don’t have to drive someone to baseball practice or karate or the myriad other events that normally dot our evening.
Work has been leaving me numb lately and it is all I can do to work less than a 10 hour day. Too many projects, deadlines and fires to put out. You have all heard me whine about that ad nauseum.
The only thing on my mind on the drive home was a bottle of MacMurray Ranch Pinot Noir sitting in my cellar with my name on it. I could even picture on which shelf it was sitting. I knew exactly where I wanted to enjoy this wine; outside on the picnic table, under the grape arbor. This just might be my favorite place on Earth. Despite living in the city, with buses passing the front of my house every 12 minutes, under this arbor and I am instantly transported to the little village my dad comes from in Italy.
I didn’t even go into my house. I just went into the wine cellar and pulled out my wine. I brought it out to the picnic table and called my father to join me.
As you know, my father is battling Lou Gehrig’s disease. He can no longer speak except in a very thick, gravelly voice filled with mostly grunts and lots of guessing by his family. Even the shadow he casts has changed as this horrible disease takes over his once powerful body.
I told him to bring down a glass for himself and to join me. He came out with a plastic cup and I laughed. I poured him a glass and he eyeballed the 18.99 sticker still on the bottle. He smiled at me while at the same time shrugging his shoulders signaling his disbelief that a wine can cost so much.
Because of his disease, when my father drinks thin liquids, like wine, we have to be prepared for the reality that the liquid will move faster than his mouth can process it and he may sputter. This is a cause of enormous embarrassment for him and stress for us as we hold our breath.
I was busy swirling and sniffing while he dumped the wine into his mouth ungraciously. I saw him shut his eyes as I assumed he was merely trying to work his swallow muscles. But when he finally did swallow, his face turned to a grimace. He shook his head as if he just drank some vinegar and we laughed.
Here was a man who spent his whole life drinking only his homemade wine. He is no longer able to make it himself and I have begun stocking the cantina with bottles I purchased. Every single wine I have shared with him, caused the same reaction.
Once he got over the initial taste of the wine, we sat there, under the arbor with fresh shoots that will grow so thickly this summer that it will keep us dry when it rains. We were together, without saying a word, sipping the wine. I was no longer looking for those damned “cherries, spice and hints of vanilla” that the wine-maker tried to convince me were in there. Now, it was simply about being together; father and son, with never much to say to each other even when he had his voice. But the silence, the wine, the picnic table, the beautiful spring weather and the good company all combined to make my stresses slip away; even if for just a brief moment in time.
As the sun popped behind the thickening clouds, my father stood up and looked at the grape vines and held a fresh shoot in his hands. He tapped me on the shoulder and began speaking as if he had something very important to say. I could not honestly say that I understood everything but it was extremely clear to me that he was telling me how to prune the vines in the fall. I looked at him in the eye and told him that I am such a city boy that he will need to show me again in the fall. He smiled and lifted his hand and gave me a thumbs down.










May 23rd, 2008 at 5:44 am
Once again, you have managed to touch me with your words. I wish you wouldn’t make me teary this early in the morning! What a lovely picture – you and your Dad enjoying each other’s company under the grape vines. Somedays there is absolutely no need to say anything – just being together says it all!!
May 23rd, 2008 at 6:20 am
I’m e-mailing you
lilacspecs’s last blog post..The Complexity of Domesticity
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:38 am
Thank you, for once again reminding me that life is precious. It’s the seemingly inconsequential moments that we need to take note of and appreciate, for we never know how many of those moments we will be afforded.
terri’s last blog post..Savor the Dance
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:31 am
terri’s comment is perfect. beautifully written post.
meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..D.A.R.E. – To Use Your Words (Or Not)
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:30 pm
beautifully poignant, dan.
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Wow, you create amazing images with your flow and beautiful words. Kudos.
Huckdoll’s last blog post..Enough About You, Lets Talk About Your Blog
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Glad I decided to hit the link from Twitter Dan. My dad passed away a little over a year ago. I would give anything to have an evening with him just sitting and saying nothing. Like your dad, he was one of the good guys. I hope you have many more Falls to spend with him. Happy you are cherishing these moments while you can.
May 26th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Beautiful words. Savor every moment. We all should do this, but you have constant reminders. I just last week had a conversation with 10 year old Brownie about the death–and the differences between long and short illnesses. There are blessings in each. Enjoy what you are given.
sophie’s last blog post..Frivolous food post
May 26th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Having lost my mother, her sister and her brother to virulent cancers within 18 months of each other, I can so be one with your words. I always try to remember how precious every single day is and I try to say or be positive to everyone around me but especially with friends and family. You won’t be sorry Dan!
May 27th, 2008 at 11:08 am
This took my breath away. You captured so many emotions and sensations in this story.
I’m glad you found my blog…I’ve been scouring your archives and will be back to read more. Thanks for your comment; it made my day.
Christine’s last blog post..Into the light of the dark, black night
May 28th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Perfect. This time, it’s YOUR words that leave me speechless.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)’s last blog post..Taking Care of Business in the ‘Burbs
May 28th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
What a moving and well written post. I lost my father to Alzheimer’s, your post brings back good memories of time spent with my dad.
May 30th, 2008 at 6:40 am
i had to change my domain name to whypaisley.com please change your links and or feed as necessary
all you will have to do is remove the – from between why and paisley,, everything else will remain the same and will redirect you to the correct page…. sorry for the inconvenience…
paisley’s last blog post..retribution
May 30th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Lovely, Dan. Really lovely.
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June 10th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
*YowZah*
Having lost my father to cancer last year, this tale brought the emotion to the surface, dl. And in a good way.
Thanks for sharing. The last line made the tale …..
…………… Ruprecht
August 28th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
This was very beautiful and my heart goes out to you.
Helen
Helen Johnson’s last blog post..Power: May The Force Be With You