Comments on: Being A Parent Without Being Apparent

By: meleah rebeccah

meleah rebeccah — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:38:39 +0000

personally, I find it to be a disservice to be a friend to my son. Its too scary for kids to feel like they have that much control /power. I think my son really likes when someone else is the boss.

ps….”because I said so” is a family tradition I am proud to pass on. I had no idea how effective that was until I used it.

By: bmgmom

bmgmom — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 04:19:37 +0000

A little of what everyone above has said. I am who I am with my kids (like Deb), I’m really big on personal responsibility (like sophie), I’m so totally present for them (like Chuck)(except when I spend waaaay too much freakin’ time on this bloggin’ stuff) and am really, really, really big on a strong work ethic (like Chuck) and open communication (like Momo). I let myself be silly and have fun with them (the concept of dedicated “special time” is so important), enjoying as many moments as we can, but getting work done when that’s necessary. We have this spiel that they have to do their “have to”s before they can do any “want to”s.

And I remind them (in my words and actions (sigh!)) that I’m not perfect.

By: Momo Fali

Momo Fali — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 19:44:57 +0000

I am a completely different parent than the two I grew up with. Not that I’m at it, but I hope that the close relationship I have with my kids at least opens up the lines of communication between us. When they need me most, when they’re going through tough, peer-pressure filled times, I hope they know I’m there for them and that I love them no matter what. Don’t get me wrong though…if they screw up, there will be hell to pay. They just don’t realize it yet.

By: Chuck

Chuck — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:23:04 +0000

Very nice post Dan. I happen to think you are on the right track, and the fact that your kid may think you are a little weird is proof that you’re trying.

What am I doing differently?
I am present. Physically and emotionally

What am I doing similarly?
Projecting a strong work ethic

By: sophie

sophie — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 19:55:52 +0000

I have stepkids as opposed to ones tht I birthed, but I take my job as stepmom very seriously.

Unlike my mother, I will ask for help when I need it–even if it might make me look bad. I will take my antidepressant medications as my doctor has prescribed.

As my mother did–I will be honest, no topics will be completely off limits. I will do my best to instill a sense of personal responsibility for them. I will show them the benefits of hard work by working hard. I will help them find joy in the simple things–even if it makes me look like a dork. I will do all I can to help them understand that our extended family is a huge blessing, even if we don’t always agree.

I will stumble along this path, pick myself up when I fall, and keep trying. Sounds like you are headed in the right direction.

By: Deb (Missives From Suburbia)

Deb (Missives From Suburbia) — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 13:50:39 +0000

I do all my drinking at home.

Okay, okay… seriously? Pretty much what you’re doing. My son has a zany mom, and he’s going to suffer some embarrassment over that, but I am not changing who I am — I’m not becoming my parents — just because I’m a mother. I think the greatest gift I can give my son is to be my true self, my authentic self. To let him see me cry when I’m sad, to see how I handle anger and remorse, and to see and feel my love. None of this “stiff upper lip” crap I saw as a child. He’s going to see me as a human, and in the end, I hope that helps him be more human(e), too.

By: paisley

paisley — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 03:35:55 +0000

i think you are on spot with your parenting dan… i know if i had ever raised a child,, i would hope that i could have done the same thing….