How Not to Motivate Someone

Posted by danleone on January 8th, 2008 filed in funny

I work on the 10th floor of an office building in Boston.  As part of my recent health kick, I have been walking up the 10 flights in the morning and between floors during the day. In fact, I have found that when the 2 o’clock slump comes (read that as me at my desk snoring), I find that if I go all the way back down to the first floor and come back up, I am usually recharged…for a solid 20 minutes. At which point, I realize how stupid it was to go all the way up and down.

In fact, unless I am with others that are not interested in being on the stairs, I will always take the stairs. Otherwise, I have no problems with “social elevatoring”  as a very literal and expedited way of working my way up the corporate ladder.

The new year kicked off for many of us with the usual array of resolutions that last for precisely the amount of time it took to come up with them in the first place. To celebrate the new year, the City of Boston and [insert company name here] decided to incorporate a “Take the Stairs. Every Step Counts” program as a way to encourage people to get healthier.

The Mayor of Boston as well as our CEO had a very nice ceremonial kick-off in the lobby of the building and walked up a flight of stairs. Our HR department very nicely plastered the stairwell with various signage to motivate people…assuming they were motivated to begin with because otherwise, they would not be in the stairwell to begin with.  At each landing there were signs that read “Every Step Counts” and “You Can Do It”, etc. Very nice. I can feel Eye of the Tiger playing in my head.

But there is one sign that is completely immobilizing me. Frankly, I am puzzled by it. It reads: “Walking Upstairs Burns 3 Times More Calories Than Taking The Elevator.”  Stop for a few seconds and think about that statement. Are you as dumbfounded as I? The first thing that strikes me is that this sentence is the exact equivalent to “Jogging burns x times more calories than sleeping.” Well, DUH! Doing something is always going to burn more calories than doing nothing! The second thing that strikes me is that if I read this correctly, ONLY 3 TIMES? So, what you are saying is that all I need to do is come in in the morning, go to the elevator, take it to 10, then let the doors open, take it back down to 1 and then press 10 again. Once I have done that, I have officially equaled the calories I have used while sweating and getting dizzy walking up the stairs. Ummmm…folks, where is the incentive?

So, my revised New Year’s Resolution is to take the elevator 36 times a day. I can feel the excess weight slide off!

  • Share/Bookmark


16 Responses to “How Not to Motivate Someone”

  1. t'other Dan Says:
    January 8th, 2008 at 9:40 pm

    At last, an answer to all my weight problems! Very timely Dan, thanks.

  2. bmgmom Says:
    January 8th, 2008 at 11:46 pm

    Maybe it’s because I need more sleep, but I’m truly laughing out loud after reading this. Head on my arm, cracking up.

    Sorry, my friend, but I don’t think that’s going to do much good. Well, except for that social elevatoring part. 36 times is bound to do some good. Okay, yeah. Good luck with that!
    ;-)

  3. Kathy Says:
    January 9th, 2008 at 6:20 am

    I vote you rip that stupid sign down! Like everyone else, I’m trying to lose weight. I’m embarrassed to take many flights of steps right now, since I’m usually winded and appear to be dying when I reach my floor. So I plan to exercise at home first, just so I can take the steps at work in a few weeks and not appear to be as out of shape as I am. I know. I’m weird.

  4. Lilacspecs Says:
    January 9th, 2008 at 8:07 am

    Yeah, heh, my boyfriend bikes to and from work every day and has been biking his whole life. I haven’t seriously ridden a bike since I got my car, which was before I even turned 16. So for right now I take the bus to and from the city and practice riding the bike on a quiet little side street near our house.
    So bravo for taking ten flights of stairs Dan! I KNOW that burns off more calories than 3x the elevator. They probably meant one flight of stairs. So multiply that by ten and you’re burning off 30x the calories of all those social elevatorers.

  5. daizie Says:
    January 9th, 2008 at 11:18 am

    Well it just means that you dont have to exert yourself anymore, if you are still burning calories in an elavator. As opposed to just sitting in your chair. SO what if its three times more….there we go again with having to do things quicker. Sometimes the slow patient way is all good too.

  6. Kristina Says:
    January 9th, 2008 at 11:39 am

    So the next time some wierdo talks to you at the urinal, just let him know that masturbating actually burns three times more calories than actually peeing. Or something.

  7. Avery Says:
    January 9th, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    Yeah, I think someone needs to do the math on that again, ’cause there is no way that could be right. Even when I take an elevator all the way to the TOP FLOOR, I am never out of breath. Well, unless I’ve been engaging in other things, but…

    Uh. You didn’t hear that.

    Great job on all that stair climbing! That’s awesome!

  8. meleah rebeccah Says:
    January 9th, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    Now your thinking! Thats a resolution!

  9. Lyssa Ireland Thomas Says:
    January 9th, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    My exercise resolution is taking the dog for a walk. Her attacking me to the ground and pulling me by the cuff of my pants – would that burn three times more calories than sitting on the couch at home. Remember to calculate the fact that I’ll be screaming the entire way.

  10. Laurie Joyce Says:
    January 10th, 2008 at 12:57 am

    I’m cutting this one out Dan :)

  11. Laurie Joyce Says:
    January 10th, 2008 at 1:08 am

    By the way I just found this confirmed on a pamphlett published by a Government Department here in Victoria – page 3 end of paragraph 3

    http://www.consumer.vic.gov.au/CA256902000FE154/Lookup/CAV_Publications_Stuff_Magazine_2006/$file/Stuff_magazine_2006_05_healthy_living.pdf

  12. danleone Says:
    January 10th, 2008 at 8:40 am

    Hey Loz! It is so cool that you found a reference for the walking upstairs vs taking the elevator! Very neat indeed.

  13. Mr Lady Says:
    January 10th, 2008 at 2:11 pm

    Sex burns significantly more. I say you resolve to leave work every day early and go do it. You know, for your health.

    Happy Delurk Day!

  14. Laurie Joyce Says:
    January 10th, 2008 at 11:13 pm

    Dan – I’ve just written a follow up post on my blog! Thanks for the tip ;)

  15. Deb Says:
    January 11th, 2008 at 2:56 am

    I wonder if they sell stationary elevator machines that you can use in your home. You know, just like a stair climber…

  16. Nick Phillips Says:
    January 22nd, 2008 at 6:05 am

    Gee, I got to find me a job in a office with elevators, I’d be scrawny in no time … LOL!

    Got to your blog through Loz’s recommendation by the way.

Leave a Comment