Sometimes you feel like a…

Posted by danleone on November 21st, 2007 filed in funny

Sometimes I feel like a man: I know every line to the movie Airplane!
Sometimes I don’t: I know every line to the movie Princess Bride

Sometimes I feel like a man: I love Aerosmith
Sometimes I don’t: I think Steve Tyler is kind of sexy in the ugly-sexy kind of way

Sometimes I feel like a man: I think Nicole Kidman is sexy
Sometimes I don’t: I think Jodi Foster is sexy

Sometimes I feel like a man: I love football
Sometimes I don’t: hockey bores me (as well as basketball and even sometimes baeball)

Sometimes I feel like a man: I don’t know how to use the washing machine
Sometimes I don’t: I enjoy washing dishes

Sometimes I feel like a man: I pee standing up
Sometimes I don’t: I always wipe the toilet rim and put down the seat cover

Sometimes I feel like a man: I sometimes work late so that I can do a good job and provide for my family
Sometimes I don’t: I sometimes work late so I don’t have to come home to mayhem

Sometimes I feel like a man: I like to fix things around the house
Sometimes I don’t: The lightbulb in the hallway has been out for two years

Sometimes I feel like a man: I try to share in the household chores
Sometimes I don’t: When I am eating at my mother’s, I don’t even lift my ass off the chair to help

Sometimes I feel like a man: I LOVE to cook
Sometimes I don’t: I love to bake cakes even more

Sometimes I feel like a man: I love coffee
Sometimes I don’t: I love loose-leaf earl grey tea from Taylors of Harrogate brewed in a teapot even better

Sometimes I feel like a man: I have more hair on my body than evolution demands
Sometimes I don’t: I think SOME man-scaping is appropriate

Sometimes I feel like a man: I really enjoy alcohol
Sometimes I don’t: I really don’t like the taste of beer

Sometimes I feel like a man: I like to eat
Sometimes I don’t: I am about 90% vegan (you can thank buffalo wings for not making it 100%!)

Sometimes I feel like a man: I like movies
Sometimes I don’t: I almost always prefer a “chick-flick” over an action movie

Sometimes I feel like a man: I drool over tools and gadgets
Sometimes I don’t: I drool over the tools and gadgets in the Williams-Sonoma catalog (I even was an assistant manager of a W-S store once!)

Sometimes I feel like a man: I have run 5 marathons
Sometimes I don’t: I MIGHT be able to run to miles now…IF I try hard. (in fairness to both sides of me, I have been sidelined by a VERY painful condition that I didn’t much mention on my blog for the last few months)

Sometimes I feel like a man: I am a dad
Sometimes I don’t: I want to run away, change my identity and join a circus

Sometimes I feel like a man: I used to be an Emergency Medical Technician and even saved a few lives
Sometimes I don’t: I used to manage a Williams-Sonoma store and even helped a few bride-to-be’s with their bridal registries

Sometimes I feel like a man: I love surfing the internet
Sometimes I don’t: I was reading some of my favorite “mommy” blogs at 2AM this morning (please note that “mommy” blogs is not a derogatory statement).

Sometimes I feel like a man: I know the first 10 digits to the number pi (you can thank the “pi” button on my TI-30 calculator back in the 8th grade for that)
Sometimes I don’t: I know that 3 tsps = 1 T

Sometimes I feel like a man: I love to hike
Sometimes I don’t: The last time I hiked was when my wife said “Take a hike!” the other day. Before that was 20 years ago

Sometimes I feel like a man: Eric Clapton is god
Sometimes I don’t: I cry when I hear Pavarotti sing

Sometimes I feel like a man: I drink my coffee black
Sometimes I don’t: I put unsweetened soy milk in my tea

Sometimes I feel like a man: I love the aforementioned buffalo wings
Sometimes I don’t: I love a bar of dark chocolate even more

Sometimes I feel like a man: I have eaten and enjoyed raw oysters
Sometimes I don’t: I also enjoy sprouted grain organic pasta from Trader Joe’s

Sometimes I feel like a man: I support our troops
Sometimes I don’t: No one has yet to explain to me why they are in Iraq (and if I hear “fighting for your freedom” one more time, I will launch myself out the window!)

Sometimes I feel like a man: I am a liberal, skeptic and an atheist who embraces the left side of my brain
Sometimes I don’t: i don’t have the “cubes” to write about it

Sometimes I feel like a man: I love Ernest Hemingway
Sometimes I don’t: I don’t usually enjoy Jeffrey Archer, Scott Turow, Stephen Coonts and others of that ilk.

Sometimes I feel like a man: I can solve the Rubik’s cube
Sometimes I don’t: I am addicted to the NYT’s crossword puzzle

Clearly, this list is not really meant to highlight a strictly male/female dichotomy. Drinking tea doesn’t make me a “girl” no more than being a dad makes me a man…..oh wait, yes it does.