Anti-Compass
Posted by danleone on November 7th, 2007 filed in Baby Goats, funny, parentingI was sitting here with my 10 year old son as he worked on his homework. Don’t let me fool you, what this usually means is that I hover over him and tell him when to blink, because it seems this kid is sometimes incapable of accomplishing two consecutive steps without being cattle prodded.
It usually goes something like this:
- Dad: “Will you stop picking your nose and just write your name on the effing piece of paper?!”
- Michael: “YOU HATE ME!”
He storms out in tears. Welcome to my every day.
This homework is actually make-up homework from the night before. He had a list of words related to early explorers. Each word was on a separate sheet of paper with the following questions to fill out:
- Word:
- Definition:
- Where did you learn this definition:
- Synonym:
- Antonym:
Because the pages were sort of generic, we didn’t worry when it asked for antonyms for some of the words. “Just tell the teacher that there isn’t one.” I told Michael.
It turned out that he was marked incorrect by his teacher and he needs to complete it tonight. I just threw my hands in the air and said something like: “How am I ever going to do your homework for you, when the teacher (all of 21 years old) is asking you for the impossible.” Now my son hates me because his VERY short-lived dream that his father is a genius is shattered in a second and none of the pleading I do is changing his opinion…actually making it worse as I tell him “I am not an idiot son. There really is no way to do this homework. Trust me!”
“Sure Dad, whatever you say.” As he hangs his head in shame.
So, with my tail between my legs, I turn to you, BoMR, to guide me. You have helped me get through some pretty tough times and turn to you once again.
Question for BoMR (Both of My Readers):
Can you tell me a synonym and antonym for these words?
Compass
Age of Exploration
Explorer
Astrolabe
Here is what I have come up with:
Compass:
- synonym = That directional device that really doesn’t do anything especially when they put one in your car (“Everyone in the car, we are driving NNE today!).
- antonym = The biological gene that allows me to get lost…and NOT ask for directions (Yes, I went there, ladies and gentlemen. I am edgy like that! Pushing-the-envelope Leone, at your service. Stay tuned for my White Guys Can’t Dance routine!)
Age of Exploration:
- synonym = Age of Self-Stimulation
- antonym = Age of Having Your Mother Walk In While Self-Stimulating And The Subsequent Years Of Therapy
Explorer:
- synonym = “2nd Base” when the world is your oyster
- antonym = Marriage when you can’t even get up to bat
Astrolabe:
- synonym = Whattheeffisanastrolabe
- antonym = shoelace
I am turning to both of you now. You are my only hope.
14 Responses to “Anti-Compass”
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November 7th, 2007 at 2:47 am
Astrolabe? I think it’s cheating to just make things up.
November 7th, 2007 at 7:28 am
Since when is the a phrase a synonym or antonym? WTF?
Compass—-Range(synonym)
explorer??? Boy Scout (S) or Scout?
astrolabe: sextant? COmpass? It was an instrument used in medieval days to navigate using the stars…
Age of Exploration: http://www.mrnussbaum.com/age.htm
Now the opposites? Ummmm
Compass? The teacher needs a life
Explorer? Uhhhhh..hmmmm a non explorer. Servant, the queen, stable boy…
astrolabe: Is she for real?
pssssssssssttt…we have the same frustrating conversations here as well!
November 7th, 2007 at 8:09 am
what about surveyor?
November 7th, 2007 at 9:11 am
Please tell me you sent your son with your definitions! I’d pay $100 to see the teacher’s expression! Hilarious!
November 7th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Dan, I shared your dilemma with a (smarter than me) friend of mine and he responded with the following. I hope it helps….
Compass:
synonym = Boundary, Range, Grasp
antonym = Surpass?
Age of Exploration:
synonym = Age of Adventure
antonym = Dark Ages
Explorer:
synonym = Adventurer, Pathfinder
antonym = Homebody, Milquetoast
Astrolabe:
synonym = Sextant
antonym = Compass
I would personally (face to face) challenge the teacher to explain most of these to me.
November 7th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
See two of us …woooooot! Makes me feel good…and you?
November 7th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Compass–
synonym–”can I poke you in the eye with my compass?”
antonym–protractor
Age of Exploration–
synonym-puberty
antonym–when we thought the world was flat and “here there be dragons” was written on the edge of the map
Explorer–
synonym–Crazy assed MF who first climbed Mt Everest without dying
antonym–agorophobic hoarding crazy lady with cats
Astrolabe–
synonym–c’mon lady, I live in Houston and I don’t even know what the hell this is. I’m very certain there is not a synonym or antonym.
Yep, this is busy work with a teacher who won’t admit that everything doesn’t fit the ditto sheet. Good luck!
November 7th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
I am speechless. I nearly scored a perfect score on the English part of the SAT (don’t even ask about math), and that is some messed up sh*t right there.
Sophie is clearly smarter than me, and Chuck is obviously a better parent than you or me, because I would have sent my kid back to school with the kind of thing you wrote.
They wonder why kids graduate from school and can’t write a cohesive sentence.
November 7th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
What the hell? Your son is 10 and this is what he is learning? You lost me “age of exploration” for a 10 year old? Ok… I think your son’s IQ is probably higher than mine at this point.
November 7th, 2007 at 10:04 pm
This is homework for 10 year olds? I’m stumped. In the past, when one of my kids was faced with a completely unfair assignment, I… ummm…I admit it… have been known to actually do the work for them. (I only felt a little bit guilty that one time when the teacher wrote a note on the top of my “son’s” assignment telling him what a great job he did.) But this… I can’t even begin to fake it!
November 11th, 2007 at 6:09 pm
Thanks for the lesson. I love your definitions.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:03 am
I’m still laughing…
Great post. I can do no better with those words. I loved your answers. I thought the same thing with astrolabe.
I’m laughing again…
November 22nd, 2007 at 11:22 pm
OMG … and my college freshmen thought i assigned busywork when i told them to do some library research for a WRITING class.
antonym for compass … 3rd entry down:
http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/compass
but ASTROLABE? she wants a freaking antonym for ASTROLABE? is she out of her freaking little mind?
i swear if i had the money i would start my own school where children actually got to LEARN instead of jump thru stupid hoops.
yeesh.
January 8th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
I thought I was going to be smart and say that a synonym for an astrolabe was a sextant, but I am too late to be varbane.