Cafe Leone

If one more person (usually my single friends that I hang out with to pretend I am not married with children) tells me that through some magical combination of physics and pixie dust that I got an extra hour of sleep today, I will stick a rusty spoon in their eye!

funny | 11 Comments »

First order of business, do not under any circumstance assume that the 5 of us were sitting at the dining room table chit-chatting about the day and wiping our faces with linen napkins and saying such nonsense as “could you please pass me more green beans daddy. I can’t get enough of them!” and “May I be excused? I have homework to complete.”

Nope. But let me paint the background here for you:

Marc and Nicole are at the kitchen table while Michael is eating pasta with butter at the computer in his room…with his fingers.

Marc and Nicole, realizing that Restaurant Leone is open for business, has the adults running around fetching food. One wants water in a glass cup (”a big boy glass”) while the other wants milk in a sippy cup….”NO, not that sippy cup! The other one!” One wants quesadillas while the other is speaking in tongues and we haven’t deciphered which item off the extensive Restaurant Leone menu she really wants:

Restaurant Leone Menu

Appetizers

Halloween Candy

Breakfast

Cinnamon bread with butter but NOT toasted

Raisin Bran

Halloween Candy

Hot oatmeal with cinnamon or honey “BUT NOT BOTH DADDY!”

Lunch

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Nothing

Halloween Candy

Dinner

Quesadillas

“Ants on a log”

Halloween Candy

Plain spaghetti

Plain macaroni

Plain egg noodles

3 minute mac and cheese

A single green bean “in between bites”

Desert

You guessed it, Halloween Candy

But I am pretty sure that is not why I started this post. It was because I heard this conversation today between my 6 year old and 4 year old ( understand that my 4 year old daughter is just now beginning to understand the power of words ):

Nicole: Daddy, I HATE Mexico.

Daddy (taking head out of fridge): What did you say CoCo?[ it was more like: Crap, can you just stop saying my name for 10 seconds?!]

Nicole: I HATE Mexico. It is stupid.

Daddy: Why would say that love muffin? [it was more like: Holy shit, you better not say that out in public or I will tell everyone that you were raised by wolves!]

Nicole: I HATE Mexico. Because they have that stupid dance with the hats. That’s stupid. That’s doodie. That’s stinky. That’s poopie. That’s yucky. That’s just stupid.

Daddy: Well, Sweet Pea, I think Mexico is a beautiful place. Maybe one day, we can go there for a family vacation. [it was more like: Get away from the table, Devil Child. Were you raised in a trough?! It is because of you kids that we will never be able to go on vacation ever again!]

Marc (the diplomat): Nicole, Nicole, don’t worry about it. Mexico is in Africa and we will NEVER go to Africa!

What the hell just happened?

***WIFE DEMANDED A DISCLAIMER*** Our Baby Goats are not nationalistic racists. Nicole was commenting on a segment on Barney which has started hating about Mexico. Marc’s comment about Africa was a comment that we never take a vacation. The goats are in fact creative, wonderful, respectful and loving children. Furthermore, we love our children…despite the crap that Dan says about them.

Baby Goats, funny | 8 Comments »