2AM and I am laughing my rump off!

I hope that everyone out there finds this as funny as I do right now! Firstly, don’t ask what I am doing up at 2AM. That is another post entirely!

Secondly,  as a little setup, I live on a busy city street in Boston. This street is mostly residential, but directly across the street is a small clump of storefronts; a convenience store, a realtor, a dry cleaners and a laundromat.  The laundromat has been a point of conversation in our house for many years. You see, the laundry owners have always used automatically-locking doors to close the place down at 11PM. So, if you walk by and try to open the doors at 11:15, the doors are locked. If you are inside, then of course, the doors open from the inside and then will lock behind you. The problem is that 9 days out of 10, someone will prop the door open and continue to do laundry until anytime they want. Even this is usually fine. I can’t hear them doing laundry. The problems arise when the door remains propped open and the riff-raff find a warm, dryer-sheet-smelling spot to hang out in.

To add to the setup scene here, I need to tell you one more fact. One of the weird developments that I have noticed living in the city is the explosion of strange city animals. Whereas at one time, there were only pigeons (by the way, where the hell have all the pigeons gone) and squirrels, there are now raccoons, possums (yes, the same possums that  the Granny made soup out of in Bug Tussle) and SKUNKS! I am not sure if you heard, so I will tell you again, SKUNKS!

Fast forward to five minutes ago. I am looking out my window, Mr Roper style, and there is a young couple in the store. I am not sure if they are actually doing laundry, but I can see that he has her sitting on a machine and he is kissing her…a lot. Basically, they are making out in the laudromat. It is a scene familiar to any of us that were once teens. He kisses her, she kisses back. He tries to feel her ass, she pushes him away. They kiss again. He tries to reach under her shirt. She pushes him away. Freakin’ adorable.

I then see, squatly walking along the sidewalk a giant, white and black skunk sniffing its way along and stopping every few feet to take a deep sniff of the sidewalk. This critter looks like a janitor’s dust mop that was just pulled out of the dryer for a fresh dance across a school cafeteria floor.

I am willing to bet that when this couple woke up this morning, they did not plan on ever meeting a skunk, but that is precisely what happened. The skunk, drunk with the smell of fabric softener, poked his head into the laundromat and noticed the couple first. BUT instead of being a normal wild animal and scurrying off to the jungle or wherever it is that skunks live, he decides that he should enter. As he enters, the girl is the first to scream. She is already standing on one of the machines, when the boy lets out a shriek too. He joins his lover on top of the washing machine as the skunk pays no mind. He pokes around a trash barrel as I hear the boy, summoning what little was left of his manhood, belts out a “getouttahere! shoo! shoo!” She, having no issues retaining her girliness, is left in a trembling, whimpering mass of immobility.

At this time, the skunk, bored with the lack of courtesy shown by the couple, chooses to leave and continue on to find that pot of scrumptious skunk food that MUST be hidden behind the next tree, trash barrel or laundromat.

The couple, still shaking, ventures out nervously. They must have heard of the recent spate (what the hell is a “spate” by the way and why are they always recent?) of skunk ambushes on unsuspecting teens.  Once he gives her the all clear, she bolts across the street, leaving her lover behind; survival of the fittest afterall. He does a run-walk designed to save face in the eyes of his girlfriend. Because he knows, if he plays his cards just right, he can use this event to increase his chance of getting some…wink, wink.

Thanks for listening. It is now 3AM…good night.