World’s Dumbest Invention

Posted by danleone on September 2nd, 2007 filed in uncategorized



World’s Dumbest Invention

Originally uploaded by danleone.


I was so proud of myself when I lost weight that I went to The Gap yesterday to buy myself a few new pairs of jeans. I found these on the clearance rack and was doubly happy that I got a good deal.

So take a pair of brand new button-flys and then throw 2 liters of water into my bladder and you can see that this is a recipe for disaster. I must have spent 5 minutes trying to unbutton myself. Luckily disaster was avoided…but barely. Now, I have been walking around with only two buttons buttoned….just in case!

On a side note: Check out those gorilla-knuckles!

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6 Responses to “World’s Dumbest Invention”

  1. People in the Sun Says:
    September 2nd, 2007 at 3:52 pm

    For about ten minutes in my high school, walking around with unbuttoned jeans was the cool thing to do. I think it was the idea that we were having so much sex that we just didn’t have the time to button up all the way. It would have been less sad if we actually did have sex.

  2. meleah rebeccah Says:
    September 2nd, 2007 at 4:56 pm

    The cast of Seinfeld said it best, so I will quote,

    “GEORGE: (bursting out of the bathroom, fumbling with his fly) Button fly! Why do they put buttons on a fly? It takes ten minutes to get these things open!

    JERRY: I like the button fly.

    GEORGE: (incredulous) What?

    JERRY: That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth. It’s like a mink trap down there.”

    (or something like that)

    Stick with the BUTTON FLY!

  3. danleone Says:
    September 2nd, 2007 at 5:35 pm

    PiTS – I don’t remember doing that. Clearly, you were much cooler than I was. All I had were Barracuda Jackets and polo shirts with upturned collars. In other words, not a shot in hell that we were going to have sex!

    Meleah – Thanks for adding to the confusion now. Just when I thought that I had a cut-and-dry conclusion in my life, you had to throw in Seinfeld references to really confuse me. NOW WHAT DO I DO?!

    I can tell you from first hand experience what this “mink trap” is all about. I was in 6th grade and we were in science class. The teacher was notorious for not letting kids go to the bathroom. I was going to burst and finally worked up the courage to ask. She said to me “you can go, but you need to be back in 60 seconds!” I ran across the hall and relieved myself. I then proceeded to zip up and the worst feeling I have ever felt came over me. I was trapped with no way to unzip or continue zipping. My minute was over and I panicked and bit my lip and ripped the zipper down. I doubled over in pain as a small trickle of blood dripped down my leg as my teacher stood outside screaming for me to finish. I never did tell her what happened.

    The lesson learned from this “too much information” is that for the rest of my life, I no longer try to maneuver through the fly alone. I simply un-belt and unbutton all the time. This allows myself more breathing space.

    Thanks for bringing back so many bad memories guys: from bad fashion choices to trapped penises.

  4. terri Says:
    September 3rd, 2007 at 1:55 pm

    I never understood the attraction to button-fly jeans, but now I understand! OUCH!

    Of course, put the words “Gap” and “clearance” together and you’ve got my attention too.

  5. meleah rebeccah Says:
    September 4th, 2007 at 3:43 pm

    Oh! I am sorry! I didn’t mean to confuse you! I just love that episode, it was a funny line…

    but Button Fly Jeans…ROCK!

  6. Lynne Says:
    September 27th, 2007 at 7:58 am

    I have just never understood the attraction to button fly, a zipper, as dangerous as it sounds, is so much faster. Trust me, this is coming from a female, post child delivery, who knows what it means to have to be fast in the take down!

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